so called habits.
June 10th, 2008
This person I have known for three years. At least for a year, we talked daily and without at least ten minutes of our daily talk, my day didn’t seem complete. It was like an everyday routine to talk to this certain person. Daily, I had to tell him about my day and know about his day. Always a casual conversation, but it always gave me a sign that I accomplished another day of my life. Soon, I realized I had a habit of talking to him everyday or running to him everytime something occurred. More than my reliance on him, it was a habit that made me comfortable talking to him, moreover, alleviated, I’d say. Talking to this guy was necessary as brushing my teeth everyday was necessary. Yet, as we grew up, we were too busy to talk everyday like we did in middle school. Our daily conversations slowly faded away, but it still brought emptiness in my life. It didn’t immensely impact my life, but it’s just this feeling that something I need in life was gone. The scariest thing is that, still after three years, I frequently talk to him when I come around problems and issues in my life. I thought my habit had faded away since I moved to Korea, but scary enough, it hasn’t. More than the physical habits, the mental habits really seem to be unbreakable. Our brains and emotions seem less flexible than our muscles. I still wonder if I’ll ever overcome this habit, but I don’t believe that it’s a negative one. I think I’ll get rid of this habit when my brain finds another habit similar to it. Nonetheless, habits seem to be like a scar that never goes away completely, always leaving at least some parts of it behind.
my multi-tasking english teacher.
June 4th, 2008
There’s only one answer to those numerous questions, yes she’s just every one of those roles in my life. In August, she was titled as my English teacher and nothing else. My first impression of her was, “Oh wow, she’s scary.” On the first class, I still remember, she wanted to get everything accomplished so she rushed us and kept us on task like a military commander. I was literally freaked out about the rest of the year. Yet, the next class she was so kind and laid back. I was alleviated. Somehow as time passed, my English teacher became somebody who went over and beyond her job and provided comfort for me at school.
Now, I feel comfortable stopping by her room here and there talking about my life in general. When I send her a freak out email, she’ll kindly reply and let me take a breath. When I feel like giving up and hopeless, she starts spilling out her high vocabulary making me feel worthy. She made me realize that I enjoy writing. Moreover, she helped me grow as a writer, which lead me in writing my favorite essay. I feel like she has become somebody who knows me well enough to keep me reaching for my goal. Yesterday, when I sent her a email telling her that I don’t I’ll be going to college, she replied saying she’ll write my recommendations. I can’t wait until I graduate and she adds me on facebook, I bet it’ll be a whole different part of her that I’ll get to find out. Moreover, despite the end of my amazing English class, I’ll be seeing her too often next year. Maybe I should pay a rent in her room. Anyways, she did a good job flooding the room with tears today. I sincerely respect her with all my heart and love her for all she’s done for me and also for making me realize my love for writing. Ms.Patterson, Ms. P, Ms. Patty- you won’t be my English teacher anymore, but you’ll still be my favorite teacher.
“I’m not saying, but I’m just saying.”
To end the blog in Ms. P style, Cheers!
Image from Ms. P
the two reasons why she stood backwards.
June 4th, 2008
It’s hard to admit that you only have two friends. It’s even harder to admit that you’ve changed. The hardest thing is to say both of these facts in front of a cold room full of people.
“There are two reasons why I’m standing backwards. One, because my heart is beating at the speed of light. Two, because I don’t want you guys to be scared of me.”
She admitted to the crowd that her first year in KIS, people only saw her with two friends and many people were afraid of her. Yet, she declared that she changed this year. She realized that she needs to be more involved and sociable with more than two friends in order to survive high school. This girl gave me goosebumps just by listening to her frank words. She nervously, shaking at the same time, spoke to the crowd, “It was through my friends that I’ve changed to who I am now.”
It was a moment that I realized the power of friendship. She told me I was a changer. The one word “changer” made me feel like the most accomplished person on earth. Her eyes soon filled up with tears and I felt speechless. As much as I loved her for who she is and was, there always seemed to be a part of her that was stubborn. However, that idea about her was totally broken today. It just dissolved as she frankly, so nervously gave her speech. She, one of the most confident girls I’ve ever seen had her back to the crowd, shaking and giving a speech from the bottom of her heart. She, today, made me feel worthy. I admire her for being able to accept or rather admit facts that many people including myself want to deny.
Wipe your tears because it’s these facets of you that makes you the amazing person that you are and you’ve become.
check list.
June 3rd, 2008
[ ] Asian Studies Final Project
[ ] Asian Studies Oral Interview
[ ] SAT2 World History
[ ] AP World History Final Paper
[ ] Chemistry Final Exam
[ ] Math Final Exam
[ ] Spanish Final Exam
Let me get through this hard core journey I was put on. It’s the only path that leads to summer, right around the corner. I cross my fingers and close my eyes, wishing it’ll go by fast with little pain as possible.
fledgling.
May 28th, 2008
The conference was minimal with only three different schools participating and mostly the Indianhead students. This time, I had to step up from the unnoticed role I played in SEOMUN to a main submitter, meaning writing a resolution to be debated on. Unfortunately, due to the numerous and overwhelming imovies and such tasks, it was difficult to squeeze in the time to write the resolution until the very last minute. It was only two days before the lobbying time that I commenced my resolution. I thought to myself,” I can’t do this.” Nonetheless, something in my mind kept me going leading into my very first resolution. Frankly, it wasn’t as great as the ones I’ve seen before; moreover, it seemed like a trainwreck. I had to bug Jessica to help me out and skype me about my mistakes and possible improvements. It was total mess. There seemed to be no hope for this resolution to pass, but I had to carry it with me to Indianhead searching for co-submitters.
Let’s say the first impression of my committee was plainly cold and ignorant about the visitors. They were amongst their own classmates signing each others resolutions. Other KIS delegates and I were out of the searching. Inside, I was screaming,” Hello?!?!” Too bad I couldn’t say anything, I just thought I should be quiet in a foreign school. However, I needed at least six co-submitters in order for my resolutions to pass, I mean I did put a lot of effort into this messy resolution. I had to put a smile on my face and go up to the IIS students, one by one asking them to be my co-submitter. Fortunately, I had exactly six of them, whew, that was a alleviation. But oh no, what’s coming was even more terrifying.
On the day my resolution had to be debated on, that very morning, I realized minimal errors. I felt humiliated and wanted to hide under a rock. Too bad my resolution was the first one that morning and I was trapped in a hot room full of delegates dressed in black and white. To my nerve wrecked mind, they looked like penguins.
“Can the delegate of France approach the podium and read the resolution,” the Chair demanded. Yes, the delegate of France was me. I walked up slowly acting like I was confident, but I felt like my nerves were divulged to the whole committee. “Be calm Yura, be calm,” I had to repeat in my head. I couldn’t do anything, but read the resolution I had written. I commenced one by one, trying my hardest to keep myself together. Luckily, I managed to speak clearly, but the luck failed by the last page. THE NUMBERING WAS WRONG… that I couldn’t even read my own resolution. I hesitated for a second, which seemed like a minute in what to do. This was the resolution: KEEP ON GOING, so I did. Finally, I was done reading the two pages of my typo-filled resolution. My hand was still shaking and I didn’t remember a thing I said or saw when I was up at the podium.
I came back and seated myself into my seat. My nerves wouldn’t shake off, it was like glued to my body. As the conference continued, my resolution was debated on. Many delegates attacked various parts of my resolution, but I managed to give them an answer to their doubts. Without a notice, the glue had lost its stickiness and left my body. Surprisingly, I felt confident enough to defend my resolution. I had various people support me and defend my resolution. They were amazing and felt like the sun that melted away the cold ice thrown at my resolution by some delegates. After 40 minutes of debate, it was the time for voting. I highly doubted it’ll pass. It had too many flaws, the flaws that divulged my inexperienced self. Miraculously, it passed. I was surprised, but glad that I took my time to write this resolution because if I hadn’t I would have never learned how to enhance a resolution. I’m still a fledgling, but my experience has taught me one of the infinite lessons.
lunch is a mandatory course.
May 25th, 2008
A high school in New York, a leading school, realized that too many students don’t go to lunch, but rather rush around the hall ways to grab something speedy and run to the library to finish studying. The principal realized that this is only going to make the students more stressed and do harm to their health. He came up with an efficient resolution, making lunch a class. Now, a little bit of class time is reduced and put into resting time for the students to relax and just hang around. It is a mandatory class. The students at Briarcliff High School now have an additional mandatory course. Now, the capacious cafeteria won’t be deserted. Just like Briarcliff High School, there are several high schools nationally. These schools are trying to create stress reduction programs for the students to catch a breath from their packed AP classes and such. In Korea, where grades seem to be the only concern of too many parents, these rectifications should be made or rather the schools should set up programs to limit the stress. I mean, what’s the point of succeeding academically if you’re not happy?
wake up stacy!
May 22nd, 2008
Stacy and I are in the same group and so is Michelle, who just recently came back from FarEast. Anyways, staying on topic. Basically, Stacy and I were overworked this week and found no space to finish our project, but Thursday night, the night before the story board was due. So…we had to meet at 11 P.M. at my house in order to get it done. Well, it didn’t end up quite as we planned. This random girl just decided to come over as well and finish her project with us for the purpose of staying a wake. I’m totally joking about the “random girl” part, since it was a insane girl who Stacy and I both knew very well, maybe too well.
It was around midnight that Dabin, Stacy, and I started on our project because we decided to have a photoshoot. We dressed up as…. uhm, no idea. We were just odd. After enjoying ourselves, it hit us that the project was due tomorrow. Unfortunately, we had to zoom into reality and get down to work. Three macs opened at once and silence filled the room, which was once the loudest place on earth. As we were working, I commenced to discuss with my partner, Stacy. Well, not exactly discuss since she was in dreamland apparently. For five whole minutes, I was discussing the project to myself or with my snoozing partner.
“Stacy, wake up!” I yelled.
“I’m awake,” replied she.
Too bad after two minutes she was back into the dream she never remembers.
“Stacy, wake up!” yelled Dabin, this time.
“I’m awake, what should I do?” Stacy questioned.
Another two minutes passes by, she’s knocked out. If I had to pick the most tritely yelled quote that night it’d probably be…
“Stacy, wake up!”
reflections upon water.
May 21st, 2008
two more weeks. no sunshine. where’s the sun? when’s summer? shorts and flipflpos. breathe breathe. tired. 4 A.M. lack of sleep. stacy is funny. too much to do. can’t think. i really like this song. scar tissue. iis mun today. resolution’s not good enough. will it even have any chance of passing? i put effort in it. my nose is stuffy. human rights. ap world history. finals. imovie. this weekend isn’t a weekend. facebook is boring. today is hat day. why don’t i have a hat? give me a stamp. my usb stick doesn’t work. ugh, i need to return it. i am not hungry. why did i eat so much yesterday? dunkin donuts= fattening. fly away. happy prince. crazy. hippie last night. oh my gawsh. text me right now. no no no no. what no? math grade. pull up my grades. let’s be happy. i never loved nobody fully. regina spektor love- lovely. m.i.a- paper planes. i feel dead. am i dreaming? dabin is working hard. i need to step up my game. be diligent. can’t wait to get the yearbook today. it’s gonna be so heavy to carry. how long will it take to iis? i feel like something is clogged in my chest. i want soda to digest all these emotions. i don’t even know what i’m thinking. i feel full of thoughts. i wanna digest my thoughts into action. what to do, what to do? gmail is better than hotmail. is this even
stream of consciousness?
just let me sleep. my eyelids close. my brain spins. i’m in school. find the sunshine in this gloomy weather.
???
sneeze coming through,
Image from Flickr
long journey home.
May 19th, 2008
The PGC concert was enjoyable. Under ground dark club. The lights in every color, and the volume turned on to the maximum. No AC. It was hot and everyone was sweating from jumping around and singing along. Let’s say it’s a time that the student were surprised by the teachers’ talents in music and visaversa. It was a bonding time in the darkness, but coming together with music. Yet, not everything as so sweet.
Going home was a nightmare. Hongdae was terribly crowded by the time we left the concert, 8:30 P.M. It was an army of ants marching and searching for food. I saw no space, but an influx of people. Pushing through to get out, I bumped into many people. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. Everyone was too busy trying to get to their destination without caring about other people they were running into or bumping into. It was a time of selfishness, and I wished I had some independent space. I felt like my space was invaded and conquered. I was literally dying to fly out of the place. It took me and my friends 30 minutes to just get to the nearby subway station. It was a tiring night. The subway station wasn’t in a better condition than the streets. The stairs was filled with people and I couldn’t even watch the steps. People wouldn’t stop coming out. Again, I just had to push through to get on the subway. From there, it took and hour to get to a bus stop. From the bus stop, it took another hour to get home. Terrifying, I know. By the time I got home, I felt like an 80-year old granny with back problems. My body was aching and I felt gruesome covered in everyone’s germs. PGC concert was great, but the location wasn’t too great. It was far far away from home- a long journey.
Picture taken by Lynn Hong
lazy bum.
May 17th, 2008
©yj
For the past three days, I’ve been hanging out with my friends and just catching up on the social life I had paused for a while. It was enjoyable to be able to not think about the AP exam while talking and laughing with my friends, no need to whine about the exam. Yet, I’m too tired when I get home to do my homework or study for anything. It’s time for me to get back on track, but my hopes and my body isn’t cooperating. I have to start being diligent, but I wish I can just rest, moreover, that it was summer already. I felt like I accomplished everything when I wrote the last letter on my AP essay. However, it’s only the first AP exam. Now, on my schedule there’s still an SAT2 in June and finals around the corner. Time for me to wake up and break the habits of relaxing and just hanging around.
